Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Been Quite Quiet

I haven't been posting much in the last few months.    Admittedly, this in a large part is due to the fact I'm just really spread out thinly across so many projects, things to do, and hobbies to enjoy that I have been neglecting my blogging.  My gay blog, Blame It On the Rain,Bro hasn't had a real blog post in months.  Tagsessions is trying to catch up with its formerly daily updates.  And Garapata Does Speak has been terribly silent for so long.

But all in all, I've been quite a tremendously happy camper.  And that is in no small part due to how Rocky finds ways every single day to make me smile.  Whether its with a geeky tidbit we'd both check out, a romantic gesture, a supportive hug, or a reassuring touch, Rocky finds ways to remind me of how lucky we are to have found each other.  To have grown together in the time that passed.  To have grown stronger in the fact of everything we have been thrown against.

But yes, I know I've been quite quiet on the Baduy Pride front.  I used to gush and boast about so many things that make things special for me and Rocky.  I used to go all out and just post the stuff when I can.  Lately, however, I've been starting to feel a bit more selective.

More things are starting to feel like happy moments I want to keep just between me and him.  And these are not out of having to hide them, or feelings of shame or the like.  I just can't help but feel there are things I would like for us to cherish between ourselves alone.. at least for now.

In the time that has passed, I've started to get a better perspective on other people.  Some people I've so long deemed as friends are now clearly people whom seem to celebrate my existence only when they need something, or when its convenient.  But when push comes to shove, when speaking up for what's right is needed, they seem to just fade away.   Other friends enjoy my friendship with one hand, then spend the rest of the day spewing hateful words which for them are just "expressions" and "jokes"but one has to at some point wonder if they care how it does hurt others.  Especially when you've raised it already.  More revelations, more realizations and more personalities become clearer.  The ones you care for soon become people you can still reach out towards, but now with clearer boundaries to avoid confusion.  The ones you can count on who make the same effort to show you that you matter to them just as much as they do to you.  The people who never give up on you.

Rocky and I are so lucky to have what we have.  And I hope you all out there don't mind if for the mean time I might relish a little bit of selfishness keeping things between me and him.  This won't be forever, that's for sure.  But it is just to reassure you all that things are magnificent right now.

And perhaps, for a very long time.
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