Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas Musings of a Garapata

This Christmas Season has just been one with so many wonderful moments.  From rOckY's awesome Ghibli Christmas gift (which is being featured one Totoro-related item at a time at, to the ABBA Christmas Party where we were all in fabulous costumes, to the annual Gift Giving event at DSL Lipa for the Bro. Rabisa Gift of Knowledge scholars, to being able to spend time with Ives, Sophie and Jam who are here from Los Angeles for a few weeks, to getting invited to Christmas dinners, receiving sweet messages thanking me for being part of the lives of others, and so much more.  I have so many things to be thankful for, that it feels wrong to celebrate them too much given the tragedy that has happened in Mindanao and other similar less than happy events this December.

But I guess, we do what we can to share the joy.  Whether it be donating some money to help in the relief operations, to giving a larger amount of cash to people as a Christmas bonus gift to say, "I appreciate your hard work and dedication" whether it be to the Oh Divas, the waiters, or others, to helping even more kids have the financial assistance to actually start (if not finish) High School, we all do what we can to help share the joy around.

I know there are others who don't really care.  They celebrate the season with the best expensive food they can  grab, or show off the latest expensively unnecessary gadget they can purchase, but who am I to shoot down their happiness?  I guess I just have to remind myself that some people indulge in such things because for them, life isn't as happy and joyful each passing day as mine is.  Or that for them, financial value is what determines the actual value of something they deem important.

Or to be kinder, they just don't really know how to celebrate any other way.

That's how life is ultimately.  Diverse and ultimately complicated in many ways, which may be seen as good or bad in many ways depending on who is looking at it.  But overall, life is wonderfully diverse with its numerous differences and incredible similarities.  And if one can find a reason to celebrate it each day, then one has found the secret to true happiness.

I know I have.

While rOckY and I don't actually share a perfect relationship, I do know we're pretty close to one.  I mean, let me be this honest:  I know I ain't exactly a looker.  I ain't stocked up with muscles or built with a bone structure that makes men and women weep.  I ain't rich.  I ain't a Master Chef.  I ain't an award-winning director nor a famous comic-book creator.  I ain't smart enough to recognize theater people based on their faces, nor identify theater songs based on the first few notes.  I ain't raking in hundreds of thousands a month (or able to "produce that somehow by whatever means") to easily purchase whatever new, overly expensive ingredient I want to use to cook whatever posh dish is out there.  I ain't blessed with a ten inch cock nor gifted with the ability to fuck for hours.  I ain't a celebrity.  I ain't a genius.  I ain't a stylish guy with a hankering for branded clothes who buys only tailored outfits and has his hands on the latest iteration of the unnecessary Apple release.

But guess what, I don't believe any of that matters anyway.
I know they don't.  Because rOckY is one of the happiest gay men in the entire fucking world, and I know I am at least 5% the reason that is true.   I know every single day in every single year, I live my life doing what I can do help him achieve his dreams... if not be happy... and I know that every single second of every single day of every single year that I am doing so, I am personally also absolutely happy.

Happy enough to realize I wanted to come out so I can tell my parents, "This is the guy I do plan to spend the rest of my life with."

Happy enough to tell the entire world the same thing.

No mind games.  No lies.  No manipulations.  No pretenses.
No making up stories of other people hitting on me, or cheating on strangers I meet at my favorite haunt just to make him feel worried of losing me, or jealous and force him to give me more attention.

I am blessed.

I am living a life that is filled with so many blessings that I am reminded of why I have my Faith.  And of why I continue to feel so saddened that the Church I was born into continues to view people like me as condemned to hell just because traditions set in the past require them to view me as someone akin to a murderer.

But no matter.  I know where I stand in life.  I know there are people out there who see what I see as well.   That I am living a life that is so filled with happiness and love,  if there was anything really I could wish for this Christmas it would be this:  That to all those out there who deserve to have a happiness as true and powerful and real as the one I have, may you find it soon.  And may that person you find be the person who deserves you, and continues to be the person who makes you smile every single day, and inspires you every single moment to be the best you can ever be.

Merry Christmas to you all!
I wish you all the best of what you deserve.

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