Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Thoughts While Alone One December Eve

Christmas is just around the corner.  2012 tip-toes ever closer with each passing day.  I just finished cleaning up the bedroom and putting in some new bed sheets and opted to check online if rOckY made it to work okay.

Admittedly, there's always a small part of me that feels worried when he heads off for work.  Given the lateness of the hour, the prevalence of poverty in the country, and the questionable trust-worthiness of even the police force, I always have a small part of me that juggles unwanted fears the moment he leaves the Sietch.  Then again, I always did have a paranoid mind.  (You can ask rOckY about how my brain is getting all messed up by Haruki Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles! HEhhehhe!)

Bi-la Kaifa
Last year things were far worse.
Fears circled around me like a shark that was struggling to survive.  Insecurities bobbed around and mingled with happy memories.  There was the pain of dealing with the loss of a friend, and the difficulties of knowing whether or not things were going to be better work-wise, financially, and even in terms of my family.  But even through the roughest waters and the murkiest moments, Rocky reminded me of his presence in my life and anchored me to the truth of the matter:  We were together and we were going to survive anything together.

And now, a few scant weeks left before the last year of the world (according to so many doomsayers who misinterpret the Mayan beliefs) I am sitting at the Sietch typing up a blog post with a smile on my face.  The journey with  rOckY in my life continues to be blessed with so many wonderful moments and enveloped with a love so great it reaches out and touches if not changes others as well.  Everything from the small stuff like supporting me in finishing my (often ignored) online comic Diliman, to encouraging each other to reach for our dreams of writing and publishing our own work, to celebrating our geekdoms and filling our flat with Transformers, books, graphic novels, video games, board games and all these other things that so many others would call junk.

Boracay!  Second only to... Puerto Galera!
We've learned to cook and have constantly been challenging ourselves to try new recipes, as well as encouraging each other to try new things.  We've traveled both within the country and out of it, and watched musicals and plays that we've longed to see.   We've been even further blessed with the opportunities to watch Jason Mraz and Kylie Minogue on the very same year - a miracle I must admit, given how we loved both of their music and how important their songs have been in shaping who we are.  And of course, there's being supported fully in my decision to finally come out to my family, as well as our joint determination to be more active and vocal in the push for Equality by attending the annual Gay Pride March, as well as taking part in other activities when we can.

Someday, we will have our turn.
Rare is there a day or night that passes without  rOckY  or I finding the urge to tell the other how happy we are.  Rarer still a moment we don't find ourselves smiling at one another.

It ain't perfect.  Seriously, is there anything really and truly perfect out there anyway?
But man, this is so close to perfect it seems insane.

I originally wanted to write this merely as a small update on my garapata blog, but now I realize I best post this in instead.  Admittedly, I have my moments where I feel it is "wrong" to be this happy.  Moments where I find myself unnecessarily thinking, "Others might say I'm bragging."  Or as they say here in Manila, "Nagpaparinig."  (Saying something loud to be intentionally overheard.)  But I guess whenever there's a happy person out there saying his joy, there will always be naysayers who will try to pull that person down  for reasons they will probably never admit.

It is amazing to realize how much my life has changed ever since rOckY chose to be part of mine.   And wonderful to remember how there was a time I only knew him through and told myself, "This guy... I wonder if I'd ever get to know him."  Or how many times I told myself that friendship was enough.  Friendship was all we were going to share.

It is not often one realizes how happy one gets to be oh so wrong.

Today is December 14.  Eleven days from Christmas.   Seventeen days to the end of the year.  With a long life spent together ahead of us, I anxiously await for the chance to celebrate each and every single day with you, rOckY.  And I will always be thankful for every single day that such an opportunity exists.  And if the world does indeed end next year, then so be it.  Let the meteors come and smash everything to pieces.  Let the earthquakes roar and grind the cities to dust.  Let the oceans rise, let the forests burn, let the sun breath a cosmic gamma ray to burn the planet to a crisp.  Let the bombs fall.  Let the aliens invade and win.  Let the angels descend with their trumpets and hymns.

Let the whole world end and take away everything we enjoy, everything we hate, and everything else in between.

At least I'm ending it with a life absolutely well-lived thanks to you.
I love you, rOckY!

Gosh, this was so long ago.
But yeah I feel the same even today.

1 comment:

  1. Aww, this was lovely, love love. Thanks for writing this.
    I love you!


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